I kept my challenge. I wrote. I keep that for myself, it is too personal and involves other person. I dont want to expose her things too much. She is my daughter, naturally intertwined with my life and there are and will be mentions of course. But my writing this day stays with me.
For myself I still made this post. It is part of my consistency “practice” and a record that I am doing my best.
May 2nd
Second day. Few min after I woke up and had a cold shower, I remembered this challenge. Ups, was the first reaction. As I tend often to change feelings and mind after I write or produce something, be it text, post or video, sort of dont like it anymore, the similar feeling came back again. I know now, that I am not the only one having these “issues”…somehow it is actually quite a common thing.
The thought of giving up showed already. Waw.
Then I went to check what happened with other people. There were posts, and also some reactions to mine post. I checked the document where we are supposed to make an x when we wrote. Maybe 15 names were there, and half of them made x.
Now this is truly interesting and shows how being in touch, and also feeling accountable influence our behaviour.
I saw a “story” of girls, who have it or had it hard. Physically and mentally. It connected me to them. Strangers on the internet, with minimally two things in common (the writing challenge and the creator part) suddenly feel like acquaintances. I can relate/feel the pain and the strength. And somehow that motivated me to put the alarm on, make a coffee in two caps to not stop writing :) and here I am.
As I seen that actually only half of the people made an x to mark their success, strangely that empowered me too. Not the fact that they “did not succeed” but the fact that it’s so easy to not do it, and again, I am not the only one struggling with it. It made me want to sit and do it. Edit! Almost all x are there now – its the different time zones!!! While I am waking up, many are ending their days :))
After I typed the first few lines, I felt the sensation of purpose. Some sort of directed focus on something. I like that. Because it can feel overwhelming, when there is so much to do and one lacks the clarity and also the time.
There is 6 min left for this writing block. So Misha, what did you learn, how did this help you?
One thing I realized already yesterday, my vocabulary is rusty, my brain got soggy.
I live isolated and enclosed in our bubble – and it has a huge effect on living and expressing.
Luckily, the change of environment is very close and I will start reading at least a few min a day, no matter the circumstances. Because this expressing barrier has to change. And it will, that I know 🙂
I learned / realized that having people around makes change in behaviour. Ofcourse, one hears it, knows it, but to experience it and react to it and being aware of it, all at once, does actually enter somewhere and makes an impact.
I learned how time passes differently, when there is a constraint. Just now I moved the alarm for extra 10 min, just to be able to somewhat finish the last thoughts.
I see how becoming a little content with myself and connected to someone immediately makes me want to give. I have this Number Sonics thingie….making melodies/tunes from name.
And as I feel gratitude for this writing challenge, the urge to make one for Laura Hanna, the initiator of it, its surfacing.
Edit, an hour later I have the tune worked out and have good 20 min of playing the guitar.
My girls just woke up. I am setting up intention to have a good day, to stay in my center, focus on my heart and thoughts, stay coherent and in the now as much as possible.
I am already excited to sit here tomorrow and write again…
May 1st
By “accident” I will participate in 31 day writing challenge.
How can something like this happen by accident?
There is this alliance/community of people, who are or are trying to become creators. Content creators. And a few days ago a girl made a post that she is starting this challenge, inviting others to join.
I sat there, reading it, thinking about it, considering. I tend to jump on things, like to support people in their endeavors, show up. Knowing the writing challenge would be beneficial to me, of course. Then I decided that I can not commit, in the life situation I am in at the moment.
A few days later, there were 4 votes on the post – and I got curious who joined. I clicked it, and there it was. Misha Pelt was one of the 4. Heh? How can that be? I am 99% sure I did not press the I am in option. What happened?
So I sat there, over the post, staring at it. And then I DID NOT write that it was a mistake. I thought, well the universe wants me to do it.
So here I am, on my first day, writing.
How I will go around, not sure … .What is the desired outcome?
There are several. The objective they have in common is to improve. My life, myself, possibly gain clarity, move with the things that occupy my head for years … .regarding the Guitar Syntax and Number Sonics. The Journey.
Break through.
Coincidentally, this day and month actually marks lots of changes.
Yesterday one of my daughters came back after 2and half months. The other did not overeat for the first time in a few weeks. In a few days we are leaving for Croatia, for the third time, to spend summer there. Work away – exchanging our energy for the possibility to stay next to the sea.
They both will start hypnotherapy to help them overcome anorexia and connected issues.
I have nearly no money, will be paid in July and August, few hundred euro. I worry of course, but we are going anyway. I believe something will happen. It always does.
And maybe, this writing challenge is going to be the knife that will curve the way forward.
There is something inside me that always finds its way to the light. Some force. Something that keeps me above the water. An outsider often wonders….
I think it maybe is a hope. But I am not sure.
So to summarize it for myself, what I will write, how I will go forward with this?
Part of this will be journaling. I know how powerful it is, but I never do it.
Part will be storytelling.
Part will be pondering about the past present and future – getting clear on lessons, falls and rises.
Part will be moving forward with my work.
And as the days will go, and if I – as I – will keep showing up in easy and hard days – there will naturally come – Empowerment .
And now the alarm announced the end. Waw.